michael-dean-k/

I published 38 "essays" in June, averaging at ~600 words, totaling at ~22,800 words (that's a pretty good month for me; I usually go between 10-30k). That same overall output could also be spliced up as four long form essays at 5,700 words each. The question here, can you count these small things as essays?

If you look at Montaigne, and especially Bacon, they each had some shorter one around 500 words. I have other contemporary essay book that feature writings that are exclusively 2-3 pages each. So historically, yes, there's a case for short non-fiction musings to be called "essays," but is it really about shortness?

It's more about formality and effort. In recent years, I was set on writing "unitive essays," ones that integrated all the known patterns, ones that went through many rounds of editing, ones that would be timeless. I still, of course, value that and aspire to it; I'm just currently in a phase where time is more burst-like. Such is life with a 5-month-old daughter. Deep flow states are hard to come by, and so instead, I'm logging little ideas all day, and whenever I get to the computer, with the mental space to write, the goal is to pick one idea and articulate it fully. Can I write and publish this idea, here and now?

It's an approach void of editing, which feels right for right now. I've thought so analytically about the craft, and the goal now is to see if I can weave in patterns on the fly. This doesn't mean I can successfully scope and prose every idea to a 5/5 on a single go. Most ideas—including probably this one—are started pre-maturely, and have limits on what they can become without scrapping it all and restarting from a new frame. Of course, the point is for ideas to mature through writing, but a great thesis can be so cognitively reorienting to nullify a draft's whole premise. But maybes that's the thing to build towards?

I didn't have this idea before I started this essay, but maybe an essay should contain an earnest shock, something in the moment that negates, inverts, and breaks the structural logic above. Wouldn't there be a thrill in witnessing a live epiphany, and then watching the writer clarify how everything previously covered may be true/false in light of the revelation?

You may have noticed, every paragraph so far has ended with a question. I suppose I'm playing with this idea to start with a clear question, and then continuously drive forward until a spontaneous question triggers something new, and I can fold back into that original question with an answer from a different dimension, a side door I never knew existed. An essay is less about the length; whether it's 300 or 30,000 words, it's more so about the value of what's discovered.

I was looking at my archive earlier, at everything I published in the last year. There are 363 "essays" (most of which are expanded logs), averaging at 370 words each. Of those I have about 22 essays flagged as "favorites," meaning, they've elevated to a special section, and earned the formality of cover art. This means that only 6% of the ideas I write in a given year are worth carrying forward. With time, that will probably atrophy even further. Even 1% of output per year is high: if you can write 3.6 timeless essays per year, that's prolific. DFW, if you look at what was anthologized over his career, only put out 1-2 per year. One approach to this is to pick be very selective, only chiseling a hand few of ideas; the other is hyper-publishing, trusting that curiosity will bring you to unexpected places, and the emergent "winners" are not ones you could ever predict. What makes something a winner?

It must be a fusion of things; again, quality is the transcendence of categories. This gets into what-makes-something-the-best-essay territory. The originality and nature of the subject itself matters, which is part of why I like the idea of reading and writing wider. But the essays I like most are the ones that also fuse in most or all of the compositional patterns around that thesis. There's only one I wrote in the last year that comes close. Maybe all of them have some personal experience peppered in, but the best ones, I feel, are ones where the writer is deeply immersed in a place, and all the things about them become allegorical. So you can read and write, quick or slow, short or long, but what you make is shaped by how you live, which is why it might be worth capturing your daily thoughts in prose.

V7. Analog editing is pretty fun. There’s something helpful in seeing your older frozen version beneath the new thing emerging. I do this a lot in Miro, but feels different on paper. Can’t quite articulate why yet, other than the ease/freedom of drawing. Just feels like there’s value in moving up and down the writing tech stack (voice, handwriting, typewriter, computer, AI). 

After this whole analog ordeal, I distilled my essay into a new question, and then ran it through a new vibe-coded essay interrogation app I made, before it one-shot generated v8, which sucked (as a whole), but also unknotted a lot of the big v7s issues. So next step is to make a digital outline for v9, where I’ll meticulously look through all the notes and scraps and refile the good parts into an new outline, and then maybe typewrite the final version in one huff. 

I think the point I’m arriving at is that every medium has its strengths and weaknesses, and it helps to shift around to get the power of each, until you find a version of the idea that feels right. (Of course, this is very inefficient and slow, potentially endless, but probably worth it for the few ideas you care about most, and so that’s why I’m trying to be more rapid with notes like this, so I’m less rushed on the whale essays.)

This helps clarify my stance on AI writing too, that it can be helpful for sketches that advance or challenge your thinking, but it should probably never be the last link in the process, because the essay you share should be the best articulation of your own thoughts in your own words. Typically AI is framed as a shortcut for slopjockeys (which is fair because that’s how it’s commonly used—I mean my wife and I just had to file a warranty claim for our broken stroller, and it’s not worth wasting prose on that), but if it extends your thinking, and points you to new regions of pondering when you shower or drive, which then inspires original ideas, is that cheating?

Recently found a book on my grandfather’s bookshelf by William Zinser (author of On Writing) from the 1980s on word processors. Apparently he started as a technophobe, but after actually buying an IBM and moving up the stack, he found it to be a pleasure that augmented his methods and habits from earlier mediums. I think the unique paranoia of AI is that it can easily replace and cheapen your whole process if you let it, but that’s your choice, independent of anyone else.

I've always thought 'writing shows you what you think and editing helps you change your mind'—and maybe that’s a decent heuristic—but it’s more complicated than that. I think it’s possible for writing to do the opposite of what we hope, to lead to self-deception. A few thoughts on how:

1. Premature convergence: When you start drafting, you unlock a new stream of thoughts, but once you find a new center of gravity (a potential thesis), it’s common for all further thoughts to reinforce the thing you happened to stumble on, regardless of its substance. Beyond a point, writing can ossify & lock you into a frame.

2. Aesthetic attachment: Once you’re trying to make a ‘good’ essay around your thesis, it’s easy to become enamored by phrases, sentences, images, and sources. Expression (vibes/voice) is an entirely different thing than thinking. You can dress up a static/wrong thought to be beautiful/persuasive.

3. The sunk cost fallacy: after you spend hours on an essay and share it, it’s likely that you’ll continue to believe it. If you’re wrong, you’ll have ‘wasted’ that time. If you change your mind, your readers will have an outdated model of you (OFC, views evolve over time, but I wonder if publishing leads to short-term friction in your evolution).

One possible way around this is to, as soon as you think you found your thesis, to rigorously consider and explore the antithesis (not as a rhetorical strawman, but to really, earnestly, consider the opposite). It means a given draft will be scatter-brained and contradictory, but it’s how you find a synthesis, a more refined thesis. And once you find that, you start over, and repeat, until you end up somewhere that is far more nuanced, interesting, and weird than where you started.

The thing I’m grasping at is that thinking & expression are often at odds, and before you commit to an idea worth expressing, you need to go through rounds of unglamorous self-interrogation. There is probably a mode where thinking _is_expression, but the risk is not wanting to shed something that is elegantly said. One way through this it to get meta and explicitly express your doubt and your evolving POV; I think this is what separates essays from articles and propaganda, and it stops you from brainwashing yourself.

What are the types of telling? (in show vs. tell):

1. Telling is compression; instead of showing us a specific moment of when you were alone in the woods at the night, you compact the story and say “I'm scared of the woods.” In compression, you lose the details that help us get why (the weird sounds, the dead trees, etc.). It is oversimplified to insist that you should show every idea in lucid detail. It's too much to take on. You want to compress the inessential to create a hierarchy, so that the essential details are given space in proportion to their importance.

2. Telling lets you connect the dots and find patterns: “the definition of terror comes from X, and this relates to Y, and so it means Z.” If you want to come up with principles, you have to abstract things down to compact, vague placeholders; it’s the only way we can hold multiple things in our mind at once to see the relationships between them. The problem, when writers only exist in this word of abstraction, it’s dense and boring.

The trick isn’t to pick one mode or the other (show vs. tell), but to master how you blend between them. It means you can actually write about X 2-3 times, even in a single paragraph. ie: first you locate X (tell), then you show X in extreme detail and emotional power (show), then you connect X to related nodes Y & Z (tell). This is a tell-show-tell sandwich, with 75% showing. It gives you both depth (by showing) and width (by telling).

This means any piece of material you have is fractal. You have to be able to zoom in to find specific examples, and zoom out to find principles and patterns. A writer/editor needs to always be bridging between abstract and concrete; if someone gives a principle, they’ll say “give me an example,” and if someone gives a story, they’ll say “what is the larger principle?”

Garret on numeracy:

I suggest spelling out either: (1) all numbers below 10 or; (2) all numbers below 20 or (3) all numbers below 100 with the exception of your chapter references. If there are too many numbers like this in your pose, then the important numbers won’t stand out as much, like the reference examples later in this paragraph. Garner prefers option 1. DFW prefers option 2. Chicago style is option 3.

My reply:

Given different writers have their own range, is there a case for “all numbers below 2”? I’d argue that anything that is a quantity, other than a/one, can justify being a numeral: 1) it creates a visual fabric, where all quantity gets a specific symbol, and 2) it’s create the least readerly friction (I look to reduce this where I can because in other areas I intentionally add friction for specific ideas/phrases. To spell out “seventy-six,” in my mind, is a poor use of someone’s mental resources, an unnecessary drain of stamina. Even “7” over “seven” saves a few milliseconds of stamina that I will expend elsewhere. Also I love numbers. I’m really a math guy, and all my prose is just really filler between my numbers.

Here are some idiosyncratic rules on how to make these decisions:

1. If two numbers occur in a sentence or a paragraph, use numbers so the reader can effortlessly see and compare quantities in a pre-read scan.
2. If you have a set of labeled or numbered items to make a framework (a, b, c) or (1, 2, 3), you can default to spelling out a number so it doesn’t appear to be part of the framework.
3. By intentionally spelling out large numbers, you make a point (“we waited for one hundred and twelve seconds for the waiter to return”). The delay of processing numbers can be used for effect.

This is a good example of rebelling against prescriptive, absolute rules: “everything under 10 must be spelt out.”

Behind any technical skills, there are more general skills that enable those technical skills to develop in the first place. For example, underneath any of my writing/editing ability is patience, focus, and endurance. I’m realizing that some people are capped at 3-4 hours of focused work per day, and the norm is to spend something like 4-6 hours on feeds, YouTube, or Netflix. If you’re able to get into 10-12 hour flows each day, and spend considerable time on your projects, you’re compressing a year’s worth of growth into a month.