michael-dean-k/

I published 38 "essays" in June, averaging at ~600 words, totaling at ~22,800 words (that's a pretty good month for me; I usually go between 10-30k). That same overall output could also be spliced up as four long form essays at 5,700 words each. The question here, can you count these small things as essays?

If you look at Montaigne, and especially Bacon, they each had some shorter one around 500 words. I have other contemporary essay book that feature writings that are exclusively 2-3 pages each. So historically, yes, there's a case for short non-fiction musings to be called "essays," but is it really about shortness?

It's more about formality and effort. In recent years, I was set on writing "unitive essays," ones that integrated all the known patterns, ones that went through many rounds of editing, ones that would be timeless. I still, of course, value that and aspire to it; I'm just currently in a phase where time is more burst-like. Such is life with a 5-month-old daughter. Deep flow states are hard to come by, and so instead, I'm logging little ideas all day, and whenever I get to the computer, with the mental space to write, the goal is to pick one idea and articulate it fully. Can I write and publish this idea, here and now?

It's an approach void of editing, which feels right for right now. I've thought so analytically about the craft, and the goal now is to see if I can weave in patterns on the fly. This doesn't mean I can successfully scope and prose every idea to a 5/5 on a single go. Most ideas—including probably this one—are started pre-maturely, and have limits on what they can become without scrapping it all and restarting from a new frame. Of course, the point is for ideas to mature through writing, but a great thesis can be so cognitively reorienting to nullify a draft's whole premise. But maybes that's the thing to build towards?

I didn't have this idea before I started this essay, but maybe an essay should contain an earnest shock, something in the moment that negates, inverts, and breaks the structural logic above. Wouldn't there be a thrill in witnessing a live epiphany, and then watching the writer clarify how everything previously covered may be true/false in light of the revelation?

You may have noticed, every paragraph so far has ended with a question. I suppose I'm playing with this idea to start with a clear question, and then continuously drive forward until a spontaneous question triggers something new, and I can fold back into that original question with an answer from a different dimension, a side door I never knew existed. An essay is less about the length; whether it's 300 or 30,000 words, it's more so about the value of what's discovered.

I was looking at my archive earlier, at everything I published in the last year. There are 363 "essays" (most of which are expanded logs), averaging at 370 words each. Of those I have about 22 essays flagged as "favorites," meaning, they've elevated to a special section, and earned the formality of cover art. This means that only 6% of the ideas I write in a given year are worth carrying forward. With time, that will probably atrophy even further. Even 1% of output per year is high: if you can write 3.6 timeless essays per year, that's prolific. DFW, if you look at what was anthologized over his career, only put out 1-2 per year. One approach to this is to pick be very selective, only chiseling a hand few of ideas; the other is hyper-publishing, trusting that curiosity will bring you to unexpected places, and the emergent "winners" are not ones you could ever predict. What makes something a winner?

It must be a fusion of things; again, quality is the transcendence of categories. This gets into what-makes-something-the-best-essay territory. The originality and nature of the subject itself matters, which is part of why I like the idea of reading and writing wider. But the essays I like most are the ones that also fuse in most or all of the compositional patterns around that thesis. There's only one I wrote in the last year that comes close. Maybe all of them have some personal experience peppered in, but the best ones, I feel, are ones where the writer is deeply immersed in a place, and all the things about them become allegorical. So you can read and write, quick or slow, short or long, but what you make is shaped by how you live, which is why it might be worth capturing your daily thoughts in prose.

A few days after my daughter was born, I had something which I’m describing as “phantom infant syndrome.” When I was away from her, holding a phone, or fork, or some other manufactured object, I’d get a tactile hallucination in my hands of the softness of her skin and hair. I imagine this is nature’s way of saying go be with your kid (made possible by mild sleep deprivation). And so this is symbolic of one of the many biological drives pulling me away from writing in recent weeks.

This is happening around my five year anniversary of being online, and it’s probably the longest stretch I’ve gone without having urgency to do so. It’s probably healthy and helpful to be relatively non-linguistic for a few weeks, once in a while (I usually write on vacations, so I never really take breaks from it). We’ll see. It’s possible that I’ve thought myself into a trench, and the best way forward is a proper break (I have once said the best editors are friends, time, and weed—although less weed in recent years). Now that I’m immersed, familiar, and comfortable with the rigamarole of infant care (and all the wonder it brings, too), I feel bandwidth opening to write, and I’m curious to see how my practice takes shape from these new constraints. There are real deadlines now. Baby wakes up in … 30 minutes … and I’d like to post this by then.

Last weekend I read through all my writing from 2025, and after the typical EOY reflections and word count calculations, I realized that something has to change. So I published 12 essays, 10 about Essay Architecture, totaling at ~64k words (re: the other two … one was a first-person TikTok odyssey, the other was about the role of psychedelics in evolution). But I also published 150k words in logs, 2.5x the volume. Logs are notes to myself, mild-epiphanies through the day written in complete sentences, all ghost-posted to a monthly Substack post. Unlike my focused and convergent writings about EA, my logs are far more random: recurring topics included the Grateful Dead, movie reviews, notes from a day at the zoo, dream journal entries, usage debates, new architectures for social media, overheard conversations, etc. My logs, in theory, are a low-stakes breeding ground for essay ideas to emerge, but given the demands of my other projects (the textbook, software, and essay prize), my logs stayed unread and undeveloped last year. Now, with parenting in the mix, it makes sense to me to stop logging, or at least, reconfigure it.

Over 4 year, I wrote +8k logs, added to the archive on 95% of days (avg. 5.6 per day), and the whole archive is 650k words. It’s a very personal corpus, one that documents my thoughts and life at a sometimes OCD-level of detail. I thought I’d do this forever, and it sort of stings to stop. I guess I’m not “stopping” as much as setting a stronger filter: I can still capture whatever I want, but I can only save whatever I publish on Notes. I used to argue for the importance of having a low-visibility space where you can publish whatever you want without self-consciousness or the need to set context with strangers, but maybe that’s a luxury I’ve outgrown. This is perhaps a long-winded way to announce something that probably doesn’t need announcing: expect to get a lot more diddles and spontaneous essays like this in the Feed. I figure my email-essays can be more on topic (I have a few slotted for January re: Essay Architecture, the club, and visual breakdowns), while these can be chaotic.

Technically, I’m still logging, but it’s for my daughter and those are private. Every day I write simple journal entries or letters about what happened. I figure one day, when she’s 15 or so, I’ll just hand over The Files and blow her mind. My dad did this for me: a few years ago, after my nephew was born, he sent me 8k words from my first 4 years. It was uncanny to see that he had a logging impulse too, and to learn about all these small events that everyone in the family would have otherwise forgotten (things that were not captured in pictures, like me trying to brush the teeth of stray cat). All this reminds me that writing isn’t just an act of thinking or communicating, it’s an act of memory.