michael-dean-k/

Futurists fear that robots and AIs will terraform and harvest the world, but it already feels eerie and unnatural to see midwestern fields carved out into perfect grids. It is as alien as crop circles, but more terrifying and less creative. Perfect 90 degree angles. It is brute order and dull patterns; a metallic fishnet over the midriff of America. I’d be surprised if there weren’t good reasons for this, but it is spooky in its orthagonality. FWIW, I am pro-grid; a grid-head FFS. But the grid to me is an invisible structure to guide the creation of complex, organic, natural forms, not the form itself, disappearing into the edges of sight.

I should make a case in r/GratefulDead that “St. Stephen” might be heavily inspired by the death of Neal Cassady.

Robert Hunter, their lyricist, confessed not knowing of the Christian “St. Stephen” until after the lyrics were shared with the band. So it’s not literal. Also, Neal died earlier in the same year (February 1968) that the song was first played (June 1968). The middle of the song is abstractly about death, but all the surrounding verses paint a portrait of Neal that, after reading 5 years of his letters, is now unseeable. Hunter knew Cassady well. Cassady was Weir’s roommate. Cassady was a “sacrificial muse” for much of that generation, so it’s conceivable. True inspiration or not, it will forever change the way I hear these lyrics.

• verse-1: He steals a roses (Neal stole many things, like 500 cars), and “wherever he goes the people all complain.” The verse doesn't explictly say St. Stephen was a thief, but he “had a rose,” he “goes in and out of the garden,” (as a theft might), and everyone is annoyed.
• v2: “Stephen would answer if he only knew how” relates to how, in Neal’s letters to Kerouac and Ginsberg, both masterful writers, he would excessively express how he couldn’t put words to his feelings.
• v3: About death.
• Bridge: “Speeding arrow, sharp and narrow” taps into Neal’s speed. On the road has the line, “the road ran straight as an arrow.” Also, “what a lot of fleeting matters you have spurned” ties to his range of chaos. “Several seasons with their treasons” refers to his shifting moods, and how he would predictably betray people (Carolyn, Kerouac) in search of something new.
• v4: “Talk about your plenty, talk about your ills, One man gathers what another man spills,” Neal spilled everything, and Kerouac/Ginsberg saw immense value in what Neal thought was worthless confession.
• v5: “Saint Stephen will remain, All he’s lost he shall regain,” maybe talks to the enduring influence of his spirit. And then “been here so long he’s got to calling it home,” speaks to his nomadism. (This is prob the weakest link).
• v6: “Can you answer? Yes I can, But what would be the answer to the answer man?” speaks to their desperation, follow-up letters when their friend hadn’t answered them.

Over Utah I look down from my plane window and see a frozen red sea, of a pink-purple hue, not blood, but still, the wow hues of death … a red sheet of ice? I pinched my lip; feels real.

I think back to my sequence of day’s events (to see if I am in a dream and could be become lucid; this is how odd a bright red sea is to me), yet it all connects: hiking through a bayside trash park with CansaFis > talking to Will in Vesuvio > seeing Dan Shipper on my plane … it is … distinct … but it all connects, despite the real-life dream logic. (Not implying I think I’m in a dream—recently an Alaska Airlines pilot had an LSD-hangover, and thought he was trapped in a dream he could only escape by crashing the plane—I'm just trying to convey the oddness of this one thought spurred from a red ice sheet — and when I look down now it’s all normal, just trees and hills.)

I can’t remember the last time I studied a plane wing, but I’m doing it now. It started because it’s turning dusk and everything is dull except the sun beaming on one triangular solid, now gold, protruding towards the back of the right wing (I have poor plane vocab). It felt unreal, which was a frame-burst that got me remembering oh yes, this is a wing, and a wing is not just an ignorable plane part that blocks the midwest scenery, it is a product of centuries of engineering, an invention so stable and durable that I can sit and log ten of thousands of feet in the sky without concern.

My core value is contradiction, for there’s no other trait that leads to freer-thinking. If you are so stable in your beliefs, you run on auto-pilot. But if you are a Christian atheist, a Luddite technologist, a scrappy perfectionist, or any other kind of walking-paradox, a legless man, then you really have some explaining to do. In resolving the conditions between the two true but opposite things you harbor in one body, you think to make sense, and write to speak truth. This is where you find the work that matters. 

Why am I so inspired by the reckless and irresponsible Neal Cassady? It will take me years to find that out, if ever, but in that pursuit I invent some value system that is uniquely my own. This sort of embrace is, by the way, brand suicide. Your consumers are slow to update their mental model of you, and in the high-speed pizza counters of the Internet there is only small talk and one identity per person. To write for a niche, to stay on brand, to hit the same message, to do the things required for you to dominate the soul-gutting mediasphere is to mistake banal desperation for your alien soul. Do not trade oneiromancy for efficiency. Do not have one mind across all essays, let alone in one essay.

1. In JFK there are several tie-die shirts, which is the long-distance way to signal to someone (from 100 yards away) that you are, a Deadhead, and going to the concert, again. If you look closer, there’s less obvious, less multi-color, less standoutish merch (a black shirt with a skeleton as a casino dealer, which tells you they went to the ’24 Sphere residency). The mutual noticing of each other’s merch is something like an unstated invitation to begin a conversation, which if not undertaken, is sort of rude. “Strangers talking to strangers” (isn’t that in Scarlet Begonias?). This taps into some old Tim Leary interview I saw, where his vision for the counter-culture was for instant immersion in real conversation—it was about the transcendence of elevator talk / keeping to yourself; about breaking out of default scripts and internal monologues and to take a risk in creating an interaction with an unknown person for an unknown result.
2. Dead & “Company” has a triple meaning; the first impression is that company refers to the new band members. The cynical impression is that it’s the legal entity that John Mayer owns 51% of. The open impressions is that company refers to all the fans.
3. Unrealistic goal this trip: Talk to 100 strangers. Not every interaction counts (ie: small talk). It only counts if you personally make an effort to extend the conversation one level beyond banter.
4. From the gate you could tell this was a flight of Grateful Dead fans: an older man had a ’90 blue and orange (Mets colored) hat from their garden show (sold out on Amazon). Someone with dreadlocks loudly asked him “how many shows?” I couldn’t hear his reaction, but based on his eyes I wouldn’t be surprised if it were 100+. A man in a bucket hat with his wife brought up “idiots talking,” (during the show) and “Disney Dead.” In first class, I saw a GD sweatshirt, along with a white "Phil Lesh & Friends" hat. On the tram in Vegas: “How many under your belt?” She answered that her dad’s a deadhead, she’s been to 10-12, and she’s going all 3 nights this weekend.
5. My Uber driver has lived in Vegas for 16 years. He hasn’t taken his kids to the Sphere yet (but wants to, and asked me about pricing). We estimated how long it would take for James Dolan to make his money back (he said 10 years, I said 4). He used to be a trucker in New York and South Dakota, found it way too cold there, and is grateful he overcame his smoking addiction.
6. On the ride from Harry Reid airport to the Venetian, somebody graffiti’d the bear on a wall and wrote “dance like Jerry’s watching.”
7. On my first impression of the sphere, it took the form of an obnoxious, 300’ tall yellow emoji. I notice this from the middle of the bridge I’m currently standing on with a homeless man. Now it’s a tie-die riverish 3D lava lamp. Now it shows hippies dancing.
8. I landed a few hours before my friend, so I wanted to walk up and down the Venetian/Palazzo to get my bearings. This place is designed to be a maze (like Venice, except for different reasons). At some point I was walking outside, using my phone, and passed by what looked like two showgirls dressed in fluffy bird suits (insane for 80-90 degree weather), and one of them said “Are you texting us?” I gave a sheepish laugh and kept moving, but this was the first interaction that felt like VR Chat (absurd characters in an absurd place with little inhibition). The next VR chat moment was when I saw a guy walking around with blockish, red, knee-high shoes.