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Michael Dean
michael-dean-k/

Architect-turned-writer, founder of Essay Architecture. Building pattern languages, software, anthologies, and community for essayists.

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Michael Dean
michael-dean-k/

Architect-turned-writer, founder of Essay Architecture. Building pattern languages, software, anthologies, and community for essayists.

Essay Club ↗
Michael Dean
Michael Dean

Architect-turned-writer, founder of Essay Architecture. Building pattern languages, software, anthologies, and community for essayists.

Michael Dean
Michael Dean

Architect-turned-writer, founder of Essay Architecture. Building pattern languages, software, anthologies, and community for essayists.

Essay Club ↗
Michael Dean
Michael Dean

Architect-turned-writer, founder of Essay Architecture. Building pattern languages, software, anthologies, and community for essayists.

The math of my ancestors

250 years ago lived an arbitrary man who I can call my ancestor. He was one of 256 of my great great great great great great grandparents. It is unlikely that any of them ever met, but there was very possibly a moment where two strangers crossed in a street, or shared a boat unknowingly, or exchanged pleasantries in insignificant and instantly forgettable ways, not knowing their great great grandchildren would give birth to my great great grandparents. My existence depended on the whims of those 256 people—their triumphs and disappointments, decision and indecision, love and otherwise. Compelled by nature or eros or God to breed with a specific person at a specific time, they continued casting down the great chain of being.

How alike am I to any one of them? If my parents can each claim 50% of my traits, then my great^6 grandparents each only claim 0.39%.

In one sense, I bear almost no resemblance to any of them. Maybe, in an Empedoclean sense, you might see my nose roaming around a town square, or my hairy feet wading through a field. Any one ancestor might feel no affinity towards me; if I knocked on their door after accidental time travel and needed a place to stay, they might just past off the responsibility to one of my other 255 ancestors. Over enough centuries, your descendants balloon past a scale you can adequately care for. My wife, for example, is part of an old royal Welsh family that goes back to the 1250s. She even has a family ring. Yet, by the theoretical logic above, she is one of millions with a claim to the throne.

In another sense, a more romantic sense, my 256 great^6 grandparents represent a still very small sliver of the human population. 0.000000256%. If any of them had any resemblances to me, physical or mental, I’d like to know. Of course, our consciousnesses would be quite different, for identity is forged from circumstance, but I don’t doubt that I would find uncanny resemblances. When I hear the lore of my great^2 grandparent, a peasant on a dry, rustic, Greek Island, and how he was able to harvest and sell rain water to get rich, I wonder if his entrepreneurship speaks to my own entrepreneurship. It is quite vague to trace influence back even 1-2 generations, let alone 8 or more, but nonetheless, the actions of those people did eventually lead to me, and there are all sorts of ways their myths and interiors might shed context into my own circumstance, at least symbolically.

Unfortunately though, none of my 256 were writers. At least, not that I know of. Some may have written journals, or written for administrative reasons, but as far as I know, none left a body of work that was meant to be cast and continued through time. One grandfather did have three chapters of an abandoned novel on a 1980s hard drive that my father was able to recover. My other grandfather is uneducated, barely literate, and only writes English in capital letters. Now that I think of it, it’s probable that +95% of my great^6 grandparents could not read or write. Mass literacy wasn’t realized until the early 20th century.

Even though we shifted from oral to written history in Ancient Greece, most family history today is only passed down through spoken stories. They’re etched into memory and unreliably translated down the chain. I can barely trust the stories I pull from my head, planted decades ago, either misdelivered or misremembered. Was she really a psychic midwife that predicted winning horse numbers in her dreams making her son rich until a black hand cut her off? Did he really drive Nixon in a cab?

It would be strange for a society to sleepwalk forward, with no sense of what truly happened before the 1900s. How is that not strange for any of us individually? What if I become the family’s Plutarch? How might a child’s identity differ if they had detailed accounts of their relatives, generations up the chain? I suppose you could ask the great^6 grandchildren of writers. Claude tells me there are 700 members of the Monticello Association, each a genetically-confirmed descendant of Thomas Jefferson, who wrote 19,000 letters, books, and a Bible. A few of them have problems with him being a slaveowner, with one publishing an essay called “Take Down His Memorial.” At least they have 255 other ancestors to respect.

Math is practical

· 75 words

In high school, we'd always ask the teacher, “when would these abstract concepts be useful in real-life?” and the answers never felt satisfying. I wanted to take stock of ways math has been useful in my life:

  1. quick calculation of tips;
  2. used trigonometry in designing VR interfaces;
  3. in plotting lines of curves to make tapered revenue-share agreements;
  4. in financial modeling spreadsheets for investments;
  5. to turn writing composition concepts into algorithms.

Cheerleader Projectiles

· 302 words

When trying to block a field goal, why doesn’t the defensive team launch each other into the air like cheerleaders? If football players are too heavy to launch, why not hire male cheerleaders that serve as lightweight, durable projectiles?

"This is a great thought experiment. Let's actually run the numbers. A typical field goal is kicked at ~70 mph (~103 ft/s) at roughly a 40° launch angle from 7 yards behind the line. So at the LOS: Horizontal velocity: 103 × cos(40°) ≈ 79 ft/s; Time to reach LOS (21 ft): 21 ÷ 79 ≈ 0.27 seconds; Ball height at LOS: 66 × 0.27 − ½(32.2)(0.27²) ≈ ~16 feet. Elite basket tosses launch flyers about 18–20 feet (measured at the feet). A 5'6" flyer with arms extended gets their hands to roughly 23–25 feet. That clears the ball's 16-foot crossing height with room to spare. So yes, it works geometrically — a launched cheerleader absolutely reaches the ball. The height math checks out convincingly. The real problems: (1) Timing is brutal. Snap-to-kick is ~1.3 seconds. A basket toss dip-and-launch takes ~1.5 seconds and the flyer peaks ~1 second after release. You'd need to start loading before the snap and guess correctly. Miss the timing by 0.3 seconds and your human projectile is either not airborne yet or already falling. (2) Precision is microscopic. The ball crosses through roughly a 1-foot window at 79 ft/s. The flyer has essentially zero horizontal steering once airborne. (3) And the fatal flaw: it's explicitly illegal. NFL Rule 12, Section 1, Article 5 — no player may use a teammate as leverage to gain additional height to block a kick. The league specifically anticipated creative boosting schemes. 15-yard penalty. So the physics actually supports the concept — the math is surprisingly favorable. The NFL rules committee just got there first."