Friendship beyond circumstance
In response to a Catherine Shannon group chat:
Friendship is a bond that emerges when you’re both entangled in a circumstance. Inevitably though, an IRL circumstance changes (ie: you graduate, you move, you shift jobs, you have kids), and so you have to make an effort to stay in touch when contexts no longer align. You don’t know if someone’s a friend-beyond-circumstance until one of you shifts phases and both of you have to take responsibility for keeping it alive (not that you’re a bad friend if you don’t — you only have so much bandwidth).
For friends you meet online, there’s no stable circumstance. While there are digital watering holes—blogs, forums, courses, etc.—those tend to dissolve and shift 10x faster than IRL ones. Even though the Internet can connect you with people on your exact wavelength (unlike my neighborhood), there’s no inherent stickiness, and so I’ve learned I need to take more responsibility to start projects or rituals with the people I want to stay close with.